1. Don't protect your child from difficulties
If you constantly protect him in all situations, he will not learn to act on his own. Difficulties and hard work are part of life, and sometimes it is very hard. Children who understand this are good at adapting to all circumstances.
"The job of parents is to help the child develop mental toughness skills," Morin says. - And to be supportive when he's having trouble with something."
2. Teach the right way to take no.
Dealing with the word "no" is a very important skill, and Morin gives an example of when it can be developed. Imagine your child didn't make the sports team. Naturally, you'd want to call the coach and try to work things out. But take your time. Rejection will help your child learn a good life lesson: failure is not the end. And he has enough strength to deal with failure, and after failure there is always a choice.
3. don't approve of the victim's mindset
"When children talk about their difficulties, they often tend to shift responsibility to others," Morin explains. - "For example, a child did poorly on a test and says the teacher didn't understand the material. Of course, parents want to support their child, to take his or her side, to make the situation more fair. But it is a dangerous aspiration.
It is necessary to explain to the child that life is unfair, but he or she has enough strength to accept it. Parental attempts to make things right reinforce in children the idea that they have been treated wrongly, that they are victims. And if this happens over and over again, it can lead to learned helplessness. Don't let this happen.
4. Help emotionally and give the necessary skills
If a child needs some skills or tools to solve a difficulty independently, try to give them. Don't leave children without support and don't ignore the fact that they are struggling emotionally. It's important to strike a balance here: show that you understand and sympathize with the child, but step back in time and let them handle the problem on their own.
It is also very important to talk to children about their feelings. This develops the skill of discussing emotions in adulthood as well. And it will also help them get through difficulties more easily.
5. Explain how to express emotions
When children cannot talk about their feelings, they usually take them out on others. As a result, they grow into people who don't know what to do with anger or sadness. Help children feel comfortable talking out loud about their emotions. This will teach them to think about what made them feel uncomfortable and to tolerate them more easily.
In other words, if a child can say, "I'm angry"-he is less likely to kick you in the shin to show it.
6. Teach how to calm down without help
For example, create a "soothing kit" of coloring books and plasticine and remind your child of it when he's upset. This will instill the idea that we are responsible for our own feelings and can calm ourselves. And gradually strengthen your ability to cope with difficult situations.
7. Acknowledge your own mistakes. And correct them.
Mistakes by parents are an opportunity to show the child that we all make mistakes. Anyone can get angry and yell at someone or forget an important thing. Parents should use their own example to show them how to admit and correct mistakes. This will give the child the understanding that things can get better if they are honest about their blunder and try to correct what they have done.
8. Praise not for the result, but for the effort.
They usually say, "You got a good grade because you're smart. Although it would be better to say, "You got a good grade because you studied hard. The first option can lead to long-lasting negative consequences.
"If you praise only for results, kids start cheating, thinking it's more important to get an A, no matter how," Morin explains. - And we need to teach them that it's important to be honest and kind and make an effort. That's why it's better to praise for effort. It's easier for a child who knows that effort is more important than results to tolerate failure and rejection in adulthood.