Difficulties that await a family after the birth of a child

To keep daddy from being a third extra 


After an infant is born, the father often feels superfluous. In fact, the mother-child dyad is in dire need of a third party, although the man does not always have the opportunity to feel it. 


Sometimes the "obnoxious" demands of a pregnant woman sometimes serve as a kind of test: a woman feeling increasingly weak, she needs to feel that she can entrust something to her husband, can rely on him. 


Primarily because the woman is now focused on another person, her love, attention, care that she gave to her husband are now addressed to the baby, her ambitions, her hopes are now directed to him, he is now the cause of her pride and admiration. But the woman's world is no longer just centered on her child, her contact with the outside world is weakening. At least with enough care for the child. And the man, whose world has not had time to change, becomes a conduit connecting the dyad with the rest of the world.When mother and child focus on each other, the father (or someone third, who replaces the father in case the child's own father is not available) is an external figure called to become a kind of shell, which guards and protects at this stage the rather fragile family structure from external influences. 


Any woman, no matter how strong she is, becomes vulnerable after conception. It is widely known that already during pregnancy a woman's character, habits and interests change. And this happens not only due to hormonal restructuring, but also because of attempts psychologically adapt to their new situation. 


If the mother is a leader by nature 

Often a woman who is accustomed to being a leader and who, for whatever reason, can not admit that she needs a man at this stage, driven by the desire to bypass the period of dependence on him. She prefers not to take maternity leave, continues her professional activities, maintain extensive social contacts. As a result, the experience of motherhood is crumpled, and the child is deprived of physical and emotional ties with the mother. This leaves a mark on his or her character, personality traits, and perception of the world around him or her. 


Children deprived of an emotional connection with their mother in the early stages of their development are more prone to illness, depression, aggressive outbursts. As parents themselves, they have difficulty interacting with their child. 


When and why do we need a father? 

The father's main task is to provide the child with the opportunity to separate from his mother at the right moment. As the child becomes more and more independent in mastering the world around him, he will strive to overcome his dependence on his mother. The father exposes the child to the social world, broadcasting to him its norms and requirements, a system of moral prohibitions and sanctions in case of their violation. 


As soon as the child becomes a little less dependent on the mother, he immediately begins to need the father to allow him to try his powers. The mother will now have to take an observer position, maintaining her status as a "comforter" in cases of failure and an "enthusiastic spectator" when the child succeeds in something.As the child develops and depending on the tasks it faces, it needs more of a mother and a father. From birth to two years old the child is highly dependent on the mother, around two years old and then at five years old the child, overcoming this dependence, needs the father figure to a greater extent. 


At this time he prefers to spend time with his father, getting to know the characteristics of the male, i.e. less emotional and more of a forceful style of response. The resulting aggression is necessary for overcoming dependence and adapting to the outside world, where, as we know, the strongest survives. The father personifies "adulthood" for the child, a belonging to which he wants to feel. 


You have to be the standard. 

At the same time, the child assimilates the peculiarities of interaction between a man and a woman, adopts the behavior that spouses show toward each

other. He discovers the existence of a relationship between parents from which he is excluded. 


When this relationship is saturated with love, mutual respect and care, the child assimilates the model of this relationship, and later on it becomes the model that regulates his own behavior. 


In a family where the mother demonstrates female behavior and the father male behavior, the child has a better chance of not being disappointed in his gender identity. In general, the main task of each parent is to make the child feel that he or she is loved and appreciated in the family.


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