Relax. Inhale and exhale, you are exactly were you need to be. Be kind to yourself, you are doing the best that you can. The mistakes that you made in your life should be lessons, not death seen.
Forgive yourself and understand that you have no choice but to accept the things you can't change, and work on the things that you want to change and can change. Saying its that simple would be insensitive of me, but try to make it simple.
We are existing in a world driven by material things, driven by fake smiles and fake lives. People are drowning in debts trying to keep up appearances.
Couple
Everyone is trying to make it, those who make it forget how hard it is to make it, they judge the people who are still fighting for their lives, and those who haven't made it are constantly battling with themselves. They ask questions like:
am I doing enough? Am I working hard enough? Am I smart enough? The list is endless and my answer to those is ofcourse you are. You fight with so many things around you, the last thing you want to do is fight with yourself.
It is time for you to take some time away from everything, and heal. Grieve for the life that you thought you would have. The grieving process is not an easy one.
Children
We all know the 5 stages of grieve. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Whether it is dissapointment from a partner,a failed business, or you dropped out of school. Whether you lost a child or you are just not happy with your career. Stop looking back, sit down and grieve.
Denial. When your life starts going in the direction different to the one you had invisioned, you start with being in denial first. You lie to people, you say things like "I am ok", when they ask how you are.
Often times, you dont lie to them only, you lie to yourself too. You are so blinded by whatever failure you think you are experiencing, that you don't even see when things get out of hand and needs salvaging. This is when you make the most mistakes, because you try to keep up with appearances.
Anger. This part starts when you start seeing that it is indeed happening, your business is failing, your career brings no fulfilment to your life or whatever it is you are going through, and you start being angry. You become angry at God or the universe or whatever it is you believe in. You become angry at the people who are supposed to give you the life you had envisioned for yourself. But most of all, you are angry at yourself. You feel stupid, inadequate and you blame yourself.
This is a bad space to be in because anger clouds your judgement, you have internal fights with yourself and you also fight the people that you love.
You get mad at people like your spouse for failing to provide for you the life they promised to give you, when in actual fact, you are the one who should afford yourself the life you want. You alone are responsible for your life.
Bargaining. You start saying things like: If my business doesn't work out for me this time, I'm killing myself. The sad thing about that is you cant bargain with fate. Fate gives you what you need, whether you like it or not.
A process or an event can be delayed, but if it needs to happen, it will happen. All you can do is put in the work and trust the process. Watch it unfold, and prepare yourself for whats coming, good or bad. Dreams delayed are not dreams denied.
Depression. When our lives don't work out, we start to have a deep sadness in our hearts. The constant asking for help, the looking at your friends lives, the comparison, the inadequate feeling, all these, they take you to a very dark, lonely place.
Suddenly you don't even have strength to fight anymore, you are scared to even try because everything always ends in failure. You go on social media, and you see people broadcasting only the good in their lives, and you get worse.
Often times, when you loose the will to fight for your life, you loose the will to live. It should never get to that. If it does, I want you to know that things really get better, and when they do, you need to be there to see it.
Acceptance. This is the point of your life were healing takes place. This is were you cry and become sad at what life has thrown at you.
This is when you can seek help, and you can talk about your situation with other people. Sometimes talking may be difficult and embarrassing, but when you get this breakthrough,you know you are in the right path.
You learn to accept your short comings, but only if you are honest with yourself and people around you. You move forward, not forgetting the past mistakes you have done because they are the very foundation of a new, better you.
you learn to be more understanding, more kinder to yourself. You forgive the people who have put you in those situations, but mostly, you forgive yourself.
I am not a professional psychologist, I am just a young woman, who is where most people are at the moment. I am writing this, in hopes that I take my own advice. I hope you do too.
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