1. It is impossible to change the other person
Once a man was often offended and asked himself, "well, why doesn't my wife want to change? Why doesn't she try to please me?" He didn't think she was a bad person or a stupid woman. On the contrary, he understood that she was smart and good at many things, they just had conflicts because they were different.
But eventually the writer recognized that it was impossible to change Cary (his wife). He made the decision to change his approach and his attitude toward her requests. Instead of seeing them as inadequate and unnecessary, he instead treated them with consideration.
2. Start first and don't expect anything in return
The writer asked his wife the same question every day:
How can I make your day better?
In the beginning his wife was terribly angry and nagging him, not believing he would do anything good, and even if he did, he would ask for something in return.
But my husband was persistent, and his wife began to "mock" him as if she were sending him out to wash dishes, scrub the floors, and clean out the garage. The wife knew that the man had enough to do as it was.
But he patiently and diligently carried out her wishes without demanding any gratitude in return. And every day he asked over and over again "how can I make your day better?"
3. The wall would melt.
Two weeks later, a miracle happened. After another question, the writer's wife cried and said:
What's the big deal with your question! The problem is not you, it's me! With me it is very difficult. I do not understand why you still have not left me.
He smiled and said it was because he loved her. And again he asked how he could make her day better. She said she loved him too.
At that moment the wall melted away. Cary realized that her husband was helping her without malice and really wanted to please her. That's when the second miracle happened.
She asked herself: "How can I make your day better?" Richard asked that they spend time together, without children. And that's when the change began.
Later, his wife began to ask the larger question, "What would you like me to do? How can I be a better wife to you?"
Then the arguments and conflicts began to go away. Their marriage became dozens of times better than it had been a long time ago. There was more joy, more pleasant emotions, and you know what.