People usually remember the beginning and the end of a conversation, but not the middle. By starting the conversation with a broad general topic, gradually narrowing it down to a specific one, and then bringing it back into the general plane, you can "get" valuable information without arousing suspicion through curiosity. For example, first you start talking about children, then you switch to work (or the real purpose of your interest), and then you ask where the person likes to vacation or what his favorite meal is.
In the business world, this method can be consumed to find out the degree of interest in a product, the needs and expectations of potential customers, and even their plans to move on to a competitor.
How to apply the hourglass method
Step 1: Clear Purpose
The method will not help you if you do not know what kind of information you are looking for. Prepare to gather as much info about the person as possible, don't just act at random. To get the best results, arm yourself with as much data as you can before moving forward.
Step 2: Offer an unobtrusive challenge
Your goal is to find common themes that you can probe later. This is a small talk one-on-one with the goal of eliciting something from the human you're speaking to. It's important to avoid heated topics that can inflame deep-seated passions, question deeply held opinions, or offend.
It's better to stay out of politics and the news.
An unobtrusive challenge is an innocuous statement. This part of the conversation should be casual and pleasant.
Step 3: Toward the Private - Narrowing the Subject
Once you've found an interesting general topic, start steering the conversation in the right direction. It's time to ask a more direct question. Example from the book: Ryan asked Ted why he rarely traveled, and as if in passing remarked that he must have a very important job. He encouraged Tad to tell him where he worked and why he wasn't allowed to go.
The essence of the method is to touch a certain question in passing and look at the reaction of the interlocutor.
Step 4: Back to Common Ground
As soon as you notice that the person you're talking to is not entirely comfortable with the topic of conversation, immediately return to the general topic. Or switch your attention to something simpler.
Usually people remember the first topic of conversation and the last, and forget everything in the middle. Thus, Ted in the example above would most likely have remembered the warm conversation and associated the conversation with Ryan with positive emotions. And the issue of restriction in movement and the unpleasant feelings associated with it would have slipped his mind
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