I'm sure most of us know someone who is a "Step father" or "Adopted father" (they signed the birth certificate or adoption papers); but do we understand what exactly that requires of someone? Here's a brief look into the ups and downs that come with being one of these unsung heroes.
The Good:
For those of us who are incapable of having children of our own, never had the chance, or simply fall for a partner who already has kids; becoming a influencer, parent, and responsible party over a growing human being is a huge deal. Some people, myself included, jump at the chance with open arms and open hearts. Some...not so much. In the end the kid, mother, or both usually win the hearts of the guy and begin the new lifestyle. Having a child look up to you and rely on you can be one of the most rewarding experiences. You get to be part of teach a child how to grow into an adult that could possibly change the world. The love a "Step Dad" or "Adopted father" feels for those children does not differ because of the biology or paternity. It takes alot of courage and a big heart for someone to step up and take that roll.
The Bad:
If you're entering the roll of "Step Dad" or "Adopted father" with a child who is older or a teenager you may run into some tension. From personal experience I've heard ,"I don't have to listen to you because you're not my Dad" or "My real dad said you are only here to take my mom away." It takes patience and tough skin sometimes. But those are the same kids who are going to need you for support in the near future. The same kids who cry on your shoulder when the Biological father stops picking them up on the weekends. It's a "Step Dad's" job to show the same love and understanding either way. "Adopted father" is a roll I have been in as well and that brings me to the final point of this article.
The Ugly:
I became the "Adopted father" when my former wife became pregnant during a short separation we had due to her infidelity. I am unable to have children for medical reasons. She said she was unsure who the father was anyway and neither of the 3 other possibilities would be willing to take the roll of Dad. So I immediately said yes and began preparing for my son to be born! 8 months of singing to a growing stomach, 3 nervous days in a hospital chair, 1 beautiful delivery, and 2 months of absolutely no sleep and tireless servitude to her and my son. Then the entire world was ripped away from me because she again wanted to see other people. Just like that she was able to take away my son with a simple cheek swab. No ifs, ands, or buts. This too is a "Step dad's" nightmare. So easily swept aside with no thought of what that does to a person. This is the sacrifice a lot of good father figures are living with silently every day.
This being Men's mental health month and Father's day month I felt the need to bring this issue to light. This is something so common it's scary. Those men who are going through this have few places to go to talk about it, and only few people even see it as an issue or problem. So spread the word and don't think you're alone. Let's change the world!
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