What depression feels like for me

This is The best way I can describe my depression.

1. I lose my appetite 
2. I feel like I'm sinking in quicksand 
3. I loose interest in doing the things that I love.
4. Once I'm down I don't always bounce back up really fast.
5. sometimes my depression lasts for days.
6. i'll have days when I start off happy then I start going downhill.

depression is an ongoing battle, it never stops. From the time I get up to the time I fall asleep. Sleep and distraction are my only comforts. If I'm not asleep then I'll distract myself with books and games, basically anything I can think of that doesn't make me feel like hitting myself, I'll do it. I tried using rubber bands and I ended up snapping it until my  left wrist was swollen. When I get depressed I feel numb. Sometimes I would feel so numb that I actually want to feel sometype of pain, emotional or physical. I would get into fights knowing I'd get hurt. In my numbed mind I just wanted to feel something. Even if it was a punch in the face.  I've felt that way since I was a teenager, right at the age of 13.  I never thought I would live past 20 but I'm going to be 24 soon. It's like the saying in the Alexander Hamilton musical "dying is easy, living is harder."