Words I cannot say Mother, oh mother, a jewel of many
A hard earned penny
I want to love you like every other mother daughter relationship so much so much so that strangers on the sidewalk are jealous of us,
But there is so much unspoken years worth of distrust
So I cannot push myself into another box for you
I want to comfort you and not feel it forced
But then you voice out all your doubts and fear about me reinforced
You sprinkle little cutting insults in between reprimands
And all because I didn't meet your illogical demands
Thinking I won't remember, after all for you it was only another december
But mother words still hurt
Your lack of love could bring a live hunger to persistent fumes
The axe may not recall but the broken wood will
You treat me with such vile discontent when you hear a fact about me, something I've discovered about myself because you do not approve of it,
Never thinking whether I permit
But mother this is the age of finding myself
You cast aside my feelings like stinky old trash you want to burn instead of loving me amyway
Yet you always remind me that me without you is disarray
Mother, you say you love me yet you don’t want to accept who I'm becoming, discontent wide shown in your eyes My heart stings, still hurting but I am willing to always go for a compromise
Why do you refuse to like who I am? Is it because you do not understand me?
How does one not understand what they love, because isn't unconditional acceptance love?
The glimmering silk has been pulled off from from my eyes and I see clearly now and forevermore
There is no reason for this foolish endeavour
The truth I had been blindedsided from now an open book
Mother why do you not love me?
I am your child, I shouldn't feel as if I have to earn something I should have already had from the moment I was born
My lonely sorrow always seems to mourn,
For i was wishful and wistful for what could have been
Your zebra ways contrasting tenors and your violet blue words lay permenent on my skin
Mother, oh mother why do you detest me so?
Your counter argued I don't love like you do me
But how could I ever love someone who doesn't love me back, not as inconvincible as a plea?
To you, I always do something wrong, might as well be a tattered bookshelf
And you're perfection itself
Yet how does perfection always find imperfection, even in the smallest things?
I don't want to spend the rest of my life vying for things I can't have because you never learnt how to love
None other explanation fits like a perfect glove
You can't keep pouring out your dirt into my life
And expecting me not to riddled with strife
Don't you think your projected wounds cut like a knife?
My heart is so brittle you could break it with a little cold hard stare
You say sorry and try to plead your case but this baton pain is beyond repair
Suddenly I'm back to giving you one more chance to mend your repetitive mistakes.
Whenever I'm on the way to healing you always seem to be working on unlocking more ways to break me
Funny, isn't it? The one who's supposed to make me breaks me.
And this concludes this letter of words I cannot say.