We used to think that bullying was a problem exclusively for children or teenagers. Something that happens at school, summer camp, or, at most, at an institute. And it certainly does not apply to adult, working, balanced people.
But it doesn't. In Russia, almost no one deals with this problem and, accordingly, no statistics are kept. But in the USA, according to experts, 60 million people complain about bullying. And if you feel bad at work, and your colleagues systematically spoil your mood or interfere with your career, you may have faced bullying too.
How to understand that you are being bullied and what it can lead to.
Of course, bullying in the workplace is different from bullying at school. No one will write "Vasya is a fool" on the blackboard or steal your homework book or your sports uniform. No one will squeeze you in the bathroom or locker room, or beat you or openly humiliate you. At least the chances of that happening are pretty low.
But that doesn't mean that workplace bullying is harmless. It's just that aggressors use different techniques.
They may make snide remarks or hurtful jokes about you, defiantly ignore you, misinform you so that you fail and make yourself look bad to your boss, criticize you harshly, dump extra work on you, spread gossip, leave anonymous complaints, even steal or deface your belongings and documents.
The reason for bullying can be anything: appearance that is far from the standards of beauty, kindness and gentleness, impressive career successes and the favor of your superiors. If you are a victim of bullying, don't look for the reasons in yourself. The culprit is always the aggressor. Yes, he is often pushed to bullying by personal problems: stress and psychological trauma, self-doubt, experienced violence in the past. But this does not relieve him of responsibility.
If you feel bad at work, and the prospect of interacting with colleagues causes fear, then turn a blind eye to it in no way.
Those who are subjected to bullying for a long time, not only work less productively. They also risk their health: Bullying leads to depression, anxiety disorder, and panic attacks. Bullying also increases the risk of cardiovascular disease and even type 2 diabetes.
What to do if you are bullied at work.
Unfortunately, there are no legal mechanisms that can punish an offender for lying, snide comments, or slanted looks. If the situation has gone very far (some of your colleagues stole your things or even hit you), you can go to the police.
For cases where your rights are violated - they don't pay for overtime, don't give you leave, try to fire you illegally - there is the labor inspectorate. In other situations, you have to act on your own. Here is what you can do.
1. Write down everything that happened.
This step may seem silly and petty. But you need to record everything that happens. If there is something to photograph or videotape (such as damaged items), get out your camera.
Your notes should reflect:
- What happened.
- When it happened.
- Who else was there.
- What other people said or did.
First, it helps to know that you are not making this up and that you are really being hurt and harassed. And they do it systematically. Secondly, you will figure out exactly who is involved in bullying, and who can be pulled to your side.
And most importantly, the notes will come in handy during a conversation with management, if you decide to have one. A well-phrased statement such as "My appearance is often commented upon in an offensive manner" sounds much less convincing than "On January 15, my colleague A looked at my stomach and asked me if I was expecting twins. Colleagues B and C were present. B laughed and C reprimanded A."
2. Get support.
It may be that the aggressor is not just you or there are those among your colleagues who do not approve of his behavior. Try to unite with them, so that together you can tell your manager or put the bully in his or her place. When you see that you are not alone and that you have a "support group," it is likely the aggressor will stop his attacks.
3. Do not remain silent.
You need to show the offender that you will not let his behavior go unnoticed and unpunished. Loudly (so that other colleagues can hear you) state your position. Explain exactly what you don't like and why. Ask them not to do it again.
Speak calmly, clearly, do not raise your voice, do not scandalize, do not become abusive. Focus on the actions of the opponent, not on his personality.
For example: "I don't like the fact that you come to my desk several times a day uninvited, looking over my shoulder and staring at my monitor for a long time. I don't have to show you what I'm working on. If you're interested, you can ask me a question and not violate my boundaries. I ask you not to do that again."
If the bullying doesn't stop after that, try to fight back. But, again, observe the limits of decency: do not insult the person, do not change personalities.
Yes, not everyone has the strength and courage for an open confrontation. When you are attacked, it can be difficult to come up with a witty and scathing response. But you can do things differently. For example, ask the aggressor questions.
- What are you saying that for?
- Why did you do that?
- What did you mean by it?
This would shift the focus of everyone's attention from yourself to the abuser and make him look ridiculous. He will either have to answer for his words and actions, or retreat.
4. Ask for help.
Gather all the facts, enlist the support of your colleagues and tell your superiors what's going on. A toxic work environment reduces employee productivity and leads to turnover. And this, in turn, can cost the boss quite a lot. Therefore, it is in his interest to extinguish the conflict.
If the head does not support you or he himself participates in bullying, it is worth thinking about changing jobs. Yes, it's unfair. But your peace of mind and health are more important than principles. It is unlikely that something good awaits you in the company, which turns a blind eye to the bullying of employees.
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