In my many years of practice as a psychologist, and then thousands of people who take webinars "The Code of Youth" confirm my theory - one of the most difficult topics to understand is "how to let go of the past and not worry about the future". The usual reaction is, "Should we let things go, not think about the future, not learn from past mistakes?" No, of course, that's not what it's all about. Each of us has different events in life - happy and sad, exciting and traumatic. A person is not a machine; emotions, worries, and doubts are normal. It is not normal to live in the past. It's gone, you can't change anything, no matter how hard you try.
If past events still raise a storm of emotions in the soul, make you feel indignant, sad or regretful about something, then the person has not let go of the situation, "stuck" in the past. It doesn't matter if it was yesterday or 10 years ago - it presses you, causes negative thoughts and actions, and interferes with your life. Thoughts return to those events, the eye clings to any little thing that reminds of them. "That guy over there looks so much like my ex, and that woman has a blouse the same color as the one I was wearing that day. Everything goes in a circle, like a broken record. Man is like carrying a suitcase without a handle: "It is hard to carry, and throw away pity.
Bitterness, frustration in the present, dreams of the past, thirst for revenge or justice, resentment - any of these emotions act as a strong poison, poison the body and soul. Relationships in the family and in the work team deteriorate, psychosomatic illnesses and depressions come.
It is normal to think about the future. We build it, we plan our tomorrow by our thoughts and actions. What happens if at this time imaginary fears and worries swarm in our heads? If we get a reality that is very different from our dreams and hopes? As a result, disappointment, fear and uncertainty, fear of financial loss, illness, death, betrayal, failure paralyze our will, turn off the flow of energy. Man as if attracts misfortune, failure, disease.
The only creative way is to focus on the present day, calmly and gratefully accepting every minute of life. Developing this skill is not easy, but it is possible. It's one of the skills I teach my female students in my online course, The Youth Code.
Here are some skills to build in yourself and use constantly.
Stop Negative Thoughts
Imagine you've come to a beautiful place in nature. Look around, and in your head went on and on:
- And when I was a kid, there was a grove here, we used to play there. Look how everything is ploughed away... The river has grown shallow... The "new Russians" will come here, they will put a fence around it and that's it, no one will come near the river. Today we rest, and tomorrow again to plow at work. I have no money, and how miserable I am.
Stop! We learn to think in the present tense, stopping the flow of "thought molotilka. Enjoy the beauty of nature, the warmth of a quiet summer evening, watch the children playing, listen to the laughter of friends engaged in cooking kebabs.
Every time you look for a reason to sincerely admire and rejoice. Know that there are hundreds of thousands of people who would envy you, your fortune, your good fortune, your beauty.
Focus on one thing.
Did you know that women, unlike men, are able to do several things at once? It's a great skill, but it's better to give yourself only to one thing. If you're working on documents at the computer - close unnecessary tabs in the browser. When you come to visit - put the phone away, fully immerse yourself in a conversation with friends.
Do not think about HOW you do something, how you look from the outside. Whether you're skiing or walking the red carpet, you don't need to be overly anxious. Focus on the small steps of the event and "work it out" in the here and now.
Stop the "critic" in his head. It's keeping you from enjoying the moment. Remember what Scarlett O'Hara said in Gone with the Wind:
- I'll think about it tomorrow.
That is, today I will enjoy the moment instead of sharpening myself from within.
Allow myself to be imperfect.
Forgive yourself for saying something stupid, spilling wine on your blouse, or forgetting the meaning of the word "congruence." By the way, in psychology, this concept refers to the integrity of the person.
Be more attentive to your personal needs, desires. If you don't like something, it's better to say right away how you feel (without blaming or making complaints), rather than hoarding resentment.
Live in the flow
Breathe. Focus on your breathing. You'll notice how you calm down, slow down, and take the situation more easily. Try to be in the "flow" all the time. It's a state when we are so absorbed in something that the world around us ceases to exist. This can apply to both work and hobbies. The goal seems to be close, but its achievement requires effort, skills, interest, and immersion. You are inspired and in the "here and now.
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