Often enough, jealousy arises against the background of a partner's corresponding actions. Here we are not talking at all about dating the opposite sex or making phone calls! The partner is not indifferent to the attention of other men (women), feels pleasure from the fact that he is noticed (it seems that in this way he raises his self-esteem, and he really needs and cares for it).
How to combat this? Be sure to tell your loved one that you do not like such actions on his part. As a rule, this is often done unconsciously and not for the purpose of offending your partner or hurting him, but in this way you satisfy some inner need. Based on my own experience, I can say that such people are not cheaters, they are emotionally fueled by such situations. Often they have a trauma in the area of self-esteem and self-perception, so it is extremely important for them to receive such "strokes" through others.
Jealousy is always a reason to analyze the boundaries of your relationship (look at everything with "fresh" eyes, discuss, change, etc.). If you notice that some of your partner's actions make you jealous, it means you don't like it and would like it to be different.
Talk about it! For example: "Let's you not go to the meeting of classmates today, for me the very thought of it is unbearable!".
There are different forms of jealousy - you can be quite calm about your partner's contacts with the opposite sex, but be jealous of his close friends ("You spend much more time with your girlfriends than with me!"). Always talk to your partner, designate painful points for you, otherwise there will be an affect, and the consequences can be quite sad. Even when experiencing a minor irritation, a "little jealousy," don't leave all that feeling in the back of your mind! There are times in everyone's life when we are easier to relate to everything, and vice versa, when we are more vulnerable and need more attention. An elementary example is a woman's pregnancy. A woman in this position will always be more jealous, this behavior is caused by nature - this way she protects her baby (we need daddy; come back to the family; let you show us what's with us, and we are protected and safe).
Jealousy is a clear indicator that your safety is being compromised in some way. Relationships are handled differently in different countries - for Muslims family and marriage is a source of peace, joy and enjoyment of life, in the Christian religion relationships are more open and liberated (in some couples there is no jealousy at all, as partners agree in advance that they can have several men/women). However, this is a matter of agreement and different worldviews, so discuss everything as a couple!
Another cause of jealousy can be a passive form of aggression on the part of the one who is jealous. You may feel that you do not get enough attention ("Well, give me that attention! Give it to me!"), but at the same time it is some form of egocentrism (inside you demand from your partner to be near him/her 24/7). In the latter case, it is a kind of "sadomaso" game - I chew you up, because you are guilty before me (in other words, either you are the victim and I am the tyrant, or vice versa). Such play may indicate that you have a strongly developed masochistic part, and where there is masochism, there is also sadism.
In that case, carefully analyze your partner's behavior and your response. Be honest with yourself. For example, your partner did not pay attention to you when you came home from work, and a week later you felt jealous (it was not the first time). As a consequence, there will be unpleasant thoughts that he was sitting on the computer, not for work, and corresponded with some girl. To jealousy did not come out in the form of affect, try to talk in advance with your partner all that bothers you ("Come on, when I come home from work, you will give me a little time, at least half an hour. Then go back to work," "Let's not talk to those people at times like this..."). Conditions can change, they are never clearly structured like laws in some country - today your actions are quite acceptable to me, and tomorrow everything may change, so train yourself to talk and ask something from your partner, name your feelings out loud, be open in the relationship and vulnerable because you are hurting now. Acknowledging your pain, "laying it out on the table" is also a difficult skill to practice (it's not demanding, not pointing, not whipping, not pecking). Showing your pain to your partner doesn't mean hurting them in return or limiting them in some way, it means letting your significant other know that you are hurting because of their behavior.
Childhood trauma related to mom, dad, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. In other words, your maternal figure did not belong to you at a time when you needed it badly. Mom was always involved with daddy, sister, brother, other men (arranging her personal life), while you remained "out of the picture.
Jealousy can exist not only in a partnership, but also between brothers, sisters, parents. In this case, the unclosed gestalt a person carries into real life, trying to close - supposedly I will do something different, and the person close to me will change, will bring only love, tenderness and affection.
So, what to do with jealousy and how to fight it?
First of all, you need to work on your self-esteem and self-confidence. Partner does not pay you enough attention or communicates with others, not because there is something wrong with you. It's just the way his life is arranged, and your life is your affair, and only you are responsible for every moment of it.
Increase your self-esteem, come to the training "Increase your self-esteem". Develop self-confidence - you are good just the way or the way you are, and your partner's behavior has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Surround yourself with attention not only from the opposite sex, but also from other people - quite often it's the lack of human "stroking" (compliments, looks, interesting conversations, calls, interest of friends and acquaintances in your life) that hides jealousy. It may be worth changing jobs to surround yourself with the opposite sex. That doesn't mean you need to have a relationship with these people, but even basic communication will give you confidence in yourself.
Be open and talk sincerely about your feelings. First you will do it, then your partner will reach for you (if the person is not engaged in psychology, it will be difficult for him to think of doing it himself, to learn this behavior), so go first and drag your loved one behind you. In any case, when you raise the level of awareness and emotional intelligence, the partner will definitely pull along, but this process is slow, difficult and painful.
Developing openness, sincerity and emotional availability, and learning not to fear your vulnerability is best done in therapy, with another living person. In order not to be afraid of your vulnerability, you need to open up to at least one person in a safe environment, when you know for sure that no one will judge or hurt you back. Therapy is ideal for practicing this new experience.
Take your mind off your partner's life. Jealousy is essentially when your life is arranged around your partner. Live your life and interests, set grandiose goals that will inspire, because the energy should not only be in the relationship, but also in the realization of your own life. A person who has goals, strives for something and achieves what he wants, "shines" himself and at the same time attracts other people. A passionate person always arouses curiosity and extra attention, so be passionate about yourself and your life, find an activity to your liking and put your energy into it.
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