Life after childhood trauma

Someone that has gone through childhood trauma will grow to bring that trauma into their adulthood. Even if you get therapy, even if you find other activities, try to repress the memories, there unfortunately isn’t an erase button. There are memories that will linger, some worse than others. Speaking from personal experience I was sexually harassed by a family member from the age of 7 to my early college days. This abuse continued on and off. When I was a child I had nightmares, I started getting bad grades in math but I excelled in everything else. I enjoyed going to school because it meant I would be away from my abuser. I grew up in a religious south Asian family. My parents are somewhat strict not hardcore. I’ve never been forced to wear the hijab or anything. I grew up with many brothers and I was the only sister. When my early college days came I started my first job at a retail store. For some context this took place in the US. The manager made a few gestures towards me but I ignored it. I came to work very stressed as I was balancing college and work together. I told this manager about my personal trauma experience from home. The manager was much older than me about 9-10 years older when I was only 18 at the time. He groomed me and then took advantage of my situation. He would be hot and cold towards me which was very confusing. As my mental health started to deteriorate I quit the job. I finally had the courage to speak up to my mom about what the family member did to me. I never forgot this day. It lingers in my mind more than the abuse. She told me to forget it and stop thinking about it. I resented it. I resented her so much I even held a grudge against her. I couldn’t believe my own mother didn’t even give any confrontation to this person whatsoever or even any reassurance my way that she would be there for me or was on my side to comfort me. I felt alone and miserable. I started seeing a therapist at my college as it was free. My mom went through my emails and found out. She was livid and bashed me for it assuming I would tarnish the family name and snitch everyone out for everything I’ve been through but I told my mom that’s not how therapy works. I couldn’t believe how negatively I was being treated for something simple as therapy from a a traumatic experience. That trauma led me to have so much anxiety, depression, mistrust in others, daily fatigue and avoiding social interaction. In therapy I found some peace, I learned better ways to vent and to cope with what I went through. Just talking to someone and getting reassurance and input meant the world to me. Throughout the further years I tried telling my mom in subliminal ways that the family member ruined my life and all the things he did but she always found a way to cover it up or deny it or tell me that I need to move on and not interfere in his life as it would ruin his family life. Eventually when there were a few instances where he tried touching me again I flipped out and even texted proof to my mom. That was when her eyes opened a bit and she told me to lock my door and to avoid him. Though this person got treatment in rehab for 2 years and has changed in many ways, I still have mistrust of him and try to avoid him as much as I can. Years later I have a bachelor of science in teaching. I’m currently working as a home health aide. I’m married and I have a baby boy. I am beyond blessed to have found healing and happiness through my education, my little family and my goals and dreams being completed one step at a time. My mom has really stepped up and is there for me more than she was in the past. She cooks amazing food for me and my baby. The whole pandemic she has been so wonderful and helpful from cooking to washing mine and baby’s clothes to spoiling us and giving our bedroom a makeover and shopping for baby and me. And many other little things I’m grateful for. Though I am much better now. There are triggers that get me anxious which is why I try not think of the past. I try to think of moving forward and being grateful for today and what’s to come.