In Moscow city hospital named after Botkin. In 1997, my mother was dying, her kidneys were failing. She was not very old yet, only 57 years old. At first they didn't even want to take her to the hospital, then, for a small bribe, they put the critically ill person in the hallway, in full view and on the aisle. After a day, however, a place was found in a general ward for eight people.
My mother often fell into unconsciousness and screamed in pain, while there were seven other patients nearby. It was an ordeal for everyone in the ward. People could not rest properly, neither day nor night. Of course, they began to complain. I was on duty by my mother's bed 24 hours a day, sitting on a chair. I put my mother in this very hospital, which was considered one of the leading ones in the city, because it had a hemodialysis machine (artificial kidney). I hoped so much that they would save her... But during the next checkup the doctor said that there were no young people in line for this machine... At the same time in this department in a separate ward their elderly ex-colleague was "resting", she was just bored at home alone... We were somewhat "lucky" that the adjacent ward was suddenly made free and mother was transferred there.
It was November outside, and the cold in the room was awful, because the wooden frames had cracks as thick as a finger. I had to plug these cracks myself with water-soaked newspapers bought at the hospital kiosk, and glue the joints of the frames with cut-up notebook pages soaped with laundry soap. After that, it was more or less bearable. No one ever cleaned the box itself or the medical post next door. I myself had to clean the floors in both the wardroom and the medical station every day. There were no nurses in the hospital, only relatives looked after the sick. In order to take care of my mother, I had to take a leave of absence from work. She left the house and a young first-grader son to her husband. But my husband had to work a lot, my son had no one to leave him with. I could no longer stay in the hospital during the day. I came only in the evening with an issued pass and stayed on duty at night. I "persuaded" my conscience and my mother that there were a lot of people in the hospital during the day, at least someone would be able to come to her in case of emergency, but no one would come in the evening or at night. The nursing staff had to be searched for in the rooms on duty, and there was no one even on duty at the post. So I was torn between home and the hospital. There was no one to help.
And my mother was getting worse and worse, they put her on drips, and since she could no longer lie down, they put them on her sitting up. I had to sit beside her all the time, supporting her arm. I was exhausted from all this time, at one point I dozed off, but suddenly I heard my mother calling my name. When I opened my eyes, I realized that she was pointing at the door of the cubicle. Turning around and seeing nothing, I asked: "What's in there?" Mom said she saw a "white woman." I asked if maybe a nurse had stopped by, since she was first prescribed a strong painkiller for the night. But my mother replied that the woman was not a medic, she was not walking on the floor, but as if floating in the air. That she "swam up" to her and, after stroking her head, "floated" back to the door, and disappeared. Only then was my mother able to call out for me.
I thought she might have imagined it all, she had been in pain lately and had hardly slept at all. But then a nurse came to take the IV and give me the shot. I asked her: "Did anyone come in now?" The nurses' station was right in front of the box, and no one would have gone by unnoticed. But she said no one had. She gave her an injection that should have made her mother feel better. But there was no relief. When I looked at the empty ampule left over from the medicine, I discovered that the cheeky nurse had substituted the medicine for simple saline. After taking the rest of the ampoule, I complained to the doctor on duty, who, after threatening the nurse with a "reprimand" for stealing the drug, gave the injection himself. Mom instantly fell asleep, but only for an hour.
The morning came. Mom felt a little better, she looked much more awake. After a while I had to go to pick up my son from school. After saying goodbye to mom, I promised to go over there early. In the evening I felt a bit sick at heart. I couldn't get the "white woman" conversation out of my head. I decided to take the prayer book with me to the hospital to read bedtime prayers. During the night, my mother got worse and became delirious. I woke up the nurses and the doctor. I was escorted out of the ward, all the nurses on duty were running around her. And I stood in the corridor by the window and prayed to God to give her at least a little relief. I will never forget those terrible moments when you can do nothing to help a close and dearly loved person, when his pain becomes simply unbearable and you have no strength to watch this endless suffering... And then a terrible thought flashed through my head: "Lord, if her hour has already come... then spare her from this unbearable suffering."
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