- Gray barren soil, five letters.
- Concrete!
Job interview:
- Where did you come from?
- Oh, I'd rather not tell you that!
- Why are you so sad?
- Yes, my husband on March 8 presented perfume. And in the evening, although I asked him to, still drank.
- But it's okay to drink on a holiday.
- He drank the perfume.
- Holmes, what do you think, why does First Channel needs so many people as extras for its talk-shows, but doesn't let them speak?
- It's elementary, Watson! Someone has to tell the audience, by applause, in what places they must feel funny from stupid jokes of stupid presenters.
One boy was in love with a girl, and she kept him as an alternate airfield for six years.
And then she thought - and married him.
And the boy now goes by the nickname "Zhukovsky.
Doctor to patient:
- How much do you weigh now?
- Seventy-five kilos.
- And what was your maximum weight?
- Eighty-five kilos.
- And what was the minimum?
- Three four hundred.
New Russians are talking after the bath. One asks:
- Have you read Tolstoy?
- No. What was written on Tolstoy?
A skydiver is flying, and a man flies towards him from below.
- Hey, man, I don't get it, how is it you?
- I'm from below, from the gunpowder depot...
There's nothing weirder than soccer. It's a sport played by twenty-two people who don't need exercise at all, in front of tens of thousands of people who just need it.
- I love you so much, honey. Do whatever you want with me.
- I want to make cutlets with you.

- Tea or coffee?
- Coffee.
- Weak or strong?
- Weak, but with cognac.
- I'm leaving.
- Well, I'm not surprised. Our relationship has been getting worse and worse for a long time, and now I'm not even sure if we even feel anything for each other.
- I'm off to the store!!!
- Oh, grab me a beer.
Stone Age. Two men are sitting in a cave roasting a mammoth.
One says to the other: "something is wrong - the air and everything else around is environmentally friendly, and everything we eat is natural, organic, but for some reason no one lives longer than thirty".
It's an interesting knightly tradition to throw a gauntlet in the enemy's face. Considering how much a knight's gauntlet weighed, if thrown successfully, a challenge to a duel could replace the duel itself.
- Hello, ambulance? Come quickly...
- Age?
- 85.
- What happened?
- You see, a neighbor came to get salt. I'm afraid she'll be tempted to have intercourse... And my heart's not what it used to be. You'd better back me up...
A guy asks an old man in the same compartment as him:
- Where are you going, Grandpa?
- To meet my classmates.
- How old are you?
- Ninety-eight.
- You don't have many classmates left, do you?
- Yes, for the last five years I've been going alone...
- Did you know, monsieur, that one Frenchman in 300 is taller than 190 centimeters?
- I know it well. He always sits in front of me in the cinema.
Forecast from Roskomstat: 1% price increase, feels like double.
The wife scolds her husband:
- So you drank for your appetite?! Then why did you get drunk?
- The appetite was very bad...
Giving balloons is a strange tradition:
- Happy Birthday! Here's the rubber bag I pre-breathed in.
- Did you know, Jeeves, that Chinese poetry has no love lyrics?
- It's part of the birth control program, sir.
We don't look for the hard way, our choice is the extreme.
And here's a riddle for you. Why does it make sense at a not-so-good job to ask for a raise first and then a vacation?
My robot vacuum cleaner just beat me to it and ate the popcorn that I wanted to pick up. The war between humans and machines has already begun.
In a documentary about Gus Hiddink, it was told that as a young man he worked in a school for retarded children. He taught them physical education, taught them to play soccer. So, this was the experience that turned out to be most in demand throughout his later career.
Before, one man was enough to satisfy me. Now there have to be two: one to take the kids, the other to come...
The summer flew by, and I bathed only in tears.
From my explanatory letter: "I did not come to work on July 10, because I thought I did.
And it is not sand that falls out of me. This is not gunpowder burned in my youth.
When I die, I ask you to cut my nickname in 1 byte and spray it on the Internet on porn sites.
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