These thoughts, came to my mind whenever I watch anything new, anything that describes itself, that says something, I just try to understand their anonymous words whispered in my mind.
It seems hard to understand their feelings because I am just trying to get into the world I don’t belong. The language they speak is completely new to me, their expressions are new to me, still, I m trying to fit in. Why?
The people I am living with copy others pride seems strange and difficult to understand but true. What does pride means, it is what you think but here its called ego, people copy each other's actions, they might be good, might be bad or even worse but they copy it and try to reach something that they never own because their actions don’t belong to them at all. Pride should always belong to themselves, things they are proud of, to found something new in themselves, to make a change in themselves and the people around, then why it is not different at all, why we are living false and unrealistic lives?
Everybody knows, they need something to be proud of, even if it doesn’t belong to them, parents are proud of their children if they did something good and successful, but they won’t take credit for the bad things their children did, they couldn’t even bear it, how can my child be wrong, this kid can’t be mine? At that time we kids think, “is it all my mistake?” and answer ourselves “of course it is our”
and the guilt we kept inside our hearts minds, nobody cares and why would anybody, after all, it's a selfish world.
I always wondered, can I make people understand me? But the truth is how can I be able to do that until I don’t understand myself and that’s because I am not me at all, I am just the creation of my parents, a living dead body controlled by the people who created me and the reason I am still alive, but I don’t consider myself alive if I am not allowed to feel things, to explore myself. This isn’t me!
Our parents might love us, they do care about us but they don’t care about our feelings, the feelings that all we have of our own and nobody respects that.
Being a teenager is hard, we don’t want to live the harsh reality so we choose to live in a fantasy world with the people exactly like us, broken, spoiled, rejected and fucked up. Nothing to speak but so much to feel. That makes us feel better, took us far away from reality. And that fantasy world is “teenage movies, books, music”.
REALITY, we know that movies aren’t real, we still believe it, we know the characters aren’t real, we still believe it, but if something isn’t real then how can we relate ourselves so much into that because what really is the story they tell us. They inspire us to create our own selves with no judgments and great hopes.