The World Keeps Spinning

Have you ever sat on the edge of your bed and listen to the world spin? I have, every day to be exact. What I mean by this is, I sit on the edge of the bed as my anxiety and depression sits in. Does anyone notice that I am simply just not okay? Probably not. I put on a really good front, I can smile in your face and talk about how well my life is going yet on the inside I feel as if I'm dying and sometimes, I wish that was the case, even though when I am clear minded, I don't actually want to die. Does this even make sense? Probably not. The sad reality of it is unless you're going through this yourself this won't make a lick of sense. If you are going through this, I just want to say I am sorry but also know you are not alone. My anxiety is so crippling some days It takes every ounce of energy to even get out of bed in the morning. My depression is so surreal it's as if there has been a demon that attached itself to my physical body and I just can't shake it, at the end of the day I feel like a shitty person, maybe I should have cleaned the house today, maybe If I studied longer, I would have gotten a better grade, maybe I shouldn't have yelled at the kids like I did today. It's always “maybe” but yet I simply can't help it. I am always so tired, yet I feel as if I didn't do anything, or I feel like there are simply just not enough hours in the day. Am I writing this for sympathy? Absolutely not. I just want people to know they are not alone in their struggles. If you have managed to coexist in this world then you have succeeded today. I was once told “fake it until you make it” let me just say that's really shitty advice. People need to realize that us people with anxiety and depression “fake it” everyday yet we feel as if we haven’t “made it.” Trust me we try every single day. My mind races and I can't get it to slow down no matter what I do, but yet the world keeps spinning.