More often than not, such negative feelings about the words and actions of loved ones toward you are the result of how you perceive your loved ones. Often we form a belief in our heads that our loved ones are almost us. And of course they should think like us, see and understand, and even accept and support what we think is good for us.
But the reality is different. Our loved ones, though really close to us, are still separate people. They, quite normally, have their own values, their own views on life and events. They have their own system of assessing what is going on. And it is natural for them to use them, even when they communicate with you.
And their system of perception of what is happening, may well differ from yours, as well as their tastes and understanding of what is good and what is bad. Meanwhile, the offense most often arises from the fact that you expect from your loved ones unconditional acceptance of your point of view, by default. After all, they are loved ones! So they have to meet your expectations. And if they do not, resentment, anger and more on the list.
When comes the understanding that even your loved ones may not agree with you, and it is quite normal, then there are fewer resentments and negative feelings. After all, by and large, it is unlikely that someone really close to you intentionally seeks to hurt you. Often, such a reaction you cause, even attempts to protect you from the possible unpleasant consequences. And these consequences are simply not visible to you.
In my youth, a long time ago, an elderly man told me an interesting fact. "Do you know," he said, "why a man hits the table with his fist during a quarrel with his wife? And then to stop her, because a woman in her heart, and even in a quarrel can say a lot of things. And fist on the table, it as a sign that she stopped, and had not had time to say her husband any nasty things that he would remember for a long time, and she would blame herself for such words.
It was only later that I realized that this example was not abusive or domestic violence, as male behavior is now stigmatized. It was a demonstration of a concern that the family would not have even more reasons to quarrel and scandalize. And if you look at the situation differently, then any woman would see in it, for herself, a reason to be offended.
When my mother tells you to wear a hat, she does not want you to get sick. But you are well over 30, and the temperature outside yourself can determine the temperature, but you do not react with a protest, to such treatment of his mother. And remember, what was the reaction when you were 14-15 years old? The fact that you have grown up, and you can adequately respond to mom's care. That's the same way with everything else, it's very helpful to grow up inside yourself and become really mature.
By allowing loved ones to have their own point of view, which may differ from yours, you, first, stop having unpleasant feelings (resentment, anger), and second, and most importantly, you don't sweat your relationship with them. After all, we don't have many really close people, and it's better to keep them safe.
You must be logged in to post a comment.